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09 December 2020 @ 11:30 pm
Friend's Only

This journal is now SEMI-FRIENDS ONLY.

Due to the fact that I no longer post so often, I do not see the need to have this completely friends locked. Whatever I deem to be too personal will still be f-locked, and anything else will be for the masses. Any public entries with mature concepts will be put under a cut along with a warning. The original rules below still apply.


Leave a comment to be added. I'm less likely to add you if you don't bother to introduce yourself.
I like having things in common. Even if it's just one thing. If you like something I don't I won't bug you about it. I'd like the same respect from you.
No drama please, I have enough in real life.
What is in this journal that is friends locked, stays in this journal. Unless, however, I say otherwise. I will do the same for you.
Just because I don't comment doesn't mean I'm not reading your journal. I read everyone's journal on my f-list. I just don't always have something intelligent to say. I don't mind if you don't comment very much either.
There will be real life stuff, touchy subjects, and some mature concepts in here. You don't like it, you don't have to read it. If you're not mature enough to get over yourself and hit the back button and hold your tongue then I doubt we'll get along. If you have an intelligent debate, however, lay it on me. I like hearing other people's opinions and viewpoints even if they're different from my own.
If you're here for my writing (which I doubt you are) I make every story public so you don't have to friend me if you don't want to. Just use the "story" tag in the lovely tag cloud and hopefully enjoy.
I SOUND SRS BSNSS BUT I'M NOT. I spazz at every opportunity over Megatron over random things. LIKE YER FAYCE.

Moar stuffs/rules/random zombie ponies may be added later to this list. Even though it already fails. JUST LEAVE A COMMENT/SPREAD THE LOVE/STALK ALL YOU WANT. I'm perfectly friendly even though I have an unhealthy obsession with giant evil alien robots and waste my life writing failtastic stories about them.
Status: accomplishedaccomplished
29 July 2012 @ 06:07 am
Oh wow an event that only happens every four years that unites the world for a little while with friendly competition it's so great BUT YOU CAN'T WATCH IT BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO POOR AND HAVE TO PICK BETWEEN CABLE AND INTERNET FUCK YOU POOR PERSON NO OLYMPICS FOR YOU, YOU DIRTY HOBO.

Status: annoyedannoyed
28 July 2012 @ 04:31 am
I never update this anymore but feel like keeping at least the occasional time capsule on here still so... yeah. Herro.

DurrdurdoiCollapse )


It will exist by the time I'm looking for jobs or I will make it exist.
Tags: , ,
Status: awakeawake
07 December 2011 @ 10:08 pm

Lol not really.

BUT COLLEGE IS AWESOME! 8D College is the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time. Washington College isn't perfect (I'm actually planning to transfer to Towson because I want to major in Geology and WAC doesn't offer it) but I still love it. I've met some really amazing people and even though I'm only staying for one year I don't regret a single minute of it. I wouldn't have come to the decision I have if I hadn't come to WAC.

I haven't updated in freaking forever but I'm still very alive! xD Just busy as heck. Next week is exam week and then Christmas break for 5 weeks! AW YISS~
Status: sicksick
29 April 2011 @ 05:09 pm
Read through some of my older posts and wow, have things changed. I won't bother going into detail but Jemicy is by far the worst school I have ever had the misfortune of attending. And I thought what happened at OS was bad. Now I wish I had stayed at OS.

I can't even put into words how desperate I am to graduate. I feel so miserable and horrible these days I had to start meds for depression and anxiety for the first time in my life. Before them I couldn't even get up in the morning and would just break down crying like every night. Even on them it's hard to go to school and now I'm just constantly angry and frustrated. It's not a nice way to live.

I almost want a boyfriend/girlfriend so I have something else to think about besides school, but it's either I'm not interested or they're not available. I miss the feelings that come with a relationship and being able to openly adore someone and making them happy by just talking to them. Blah.

Just can't wait for this year to be over and have my diploma and be free this summer and then go to the college I really want to go to. I'll be done driver's ed in about two weeks so I'll be practicing driving over the summer, and I want to get a job.

Also woo I turn 19 next week! May 6th aw yiss.
Status: blahblah
07 February 2011 @ 12:44 am
First off I'm supremely irritated, it's late at night, and none of my homework is done. Woop dee doo. The reason for this is because school is fucking stupid right now, and surprisingly, it's not because I've gotten into college. It's because it's actually stupid and half my teachers don't know what the shit they are doing.

For instance: writing. I have gotten absolutely nowhere in that class and if I didn't like the teacher I would have screamed at him and stormed out of that class. YOU DON'T READ IN A WRITING CLASS. THAT IS WHAT FUCKING ENGLISH IS FOR. SO STOP MAKING US READ SHIT. Also, maybe if you didn't make me waste my fucking time by writing fucking retarded outlines and character sketches and themes and random out of context sentences with hidden meanings or whatever the fuck they are and settings, I WOULD ACTUALLY GET STUFF WRITTEN.

For goodness sake just LET ME FUCKING WRITE ALL READY. I have never heard of a single writer that sat down and plotted out all the references they would make and carefully wrote out settings and made a nice neat little outline of every shit each character took at what time and where. Seriously. The Fellowship of the Ring has such a slow beginning because TOLKIEN DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HE WAS DOING. TOLKIEN. DID NOT KNOW. WHAT HE WAS DOING. And he came up with an entire universe with history and languages and places and gods. Fuck anyone that says I need to have every plot point written down in an outline.

I don't pretend to be some sort of master writer here, but I feel like I know more than some of my teachers. Writing isn't hard. You just do it. I don't understand why that's so hard or scary or whatever. Outlining a plot doesn't make a shit's bit of difference when it comes to the quality of the writing. The plot could be the most amazing thing ever but it's ruined because the writer doesn't know how to string a sentence together. Tolkien's Fellowship was not edited because IT WAS STILL DAMN GOOD. Tolkien is an amazing writer, period, and it's because he didn't get caught up in all the little details. He just wrote. The more you write, the more ideas start to flow, and ultimately, the better you get.

I improved incredibly rapidly with my writing in 7th and 8th grade. It amazes me just thinking about it. You know why? Because I wrote constantly. Every single night for the entirety of 7th grade, I wrote at least one page. By the end of 7th grade I was writing closer to four pages every night because I wanted to and because I had fun. It was only AFTER I had wrote and wrote and wrote for all of 7th grade that I got a skills class in writing in 8th grade to help me improve the mechanics. And yet, not once do I ever remember having to come up with an outline of a plot. My teacher would tell me to think of an idea and start writing. Simple as that.

Why I have to be basically insulted and slapped in the face five years later by being told to plot everything out like an idiot is beyond me. That's just not how writing works. PERIOD. Stories need to be flexible. Half of it is starting to write and letting the story take its own course, and letting the character do what they want to. No one seems to understand that. They're so fucking afraid to just let go and see where their writing takes them that they shut their own imagination down. It's like putting blinkers on. Once you become so damn caught up in "following the plot" you stop seeing all the imaginative opportunities and twists and turns you could take.

I've become so fucking out of practice with my writing that I feel like I've actually gone backwards and have gotten worse. I hate everything I produce right now. The winning poem for a school contest I wrote? I hated its guts and thought it was the most ridiculous and contrived thing ever. My imagination has basically packed its bags and left because I have no opportunity to use it. I feel like every time I'm told to write I have to shove my brain through a cheese grater first to make sure OMG MY STORY IS PERFECT!!!!11!!11111!!!!!11 Because that's what they fucking want. I might be a perfectionist but I don't delude myself by striving for utter perfection because that's IMPOSSIBLE.

I am so disappointed with this Creative Writing class. I was given the impression that it was an extremely advanced class where I would actually learn some valuable things. I half expected to write a novel in that class. At the least I would be allowed to experiment with film/play/comic scripts, and other styles of writing. But no. I'm not taught anything I don't already know, and everyone is miles below my skill level and holding me back. I've done enough reading to know what a good story has. I don't need to be told what should be in my story. I already know even if I can't put it into words.

Tags: ,
Status: angry FUCKING. PISSED.
Music: Open Your Eyes - Blue Stone
12 January 2011 @ 01:26 am

Second off: I GOT INTO MY FIRST CHOICE COLLEGE! Washington College! I'm going and I'm so excited. Not exactly sure what I want to major in (I'm keeping an open mind here), but I'm leaning towards Creative Writing and/or Earth Science/Geology, in pursuit of Paleontology. C8 Dinosaurs ftw.

Researching Buddhism for my English paper is making me want to seriously convert to Buddhism. The more I read about it the more I like it. I never disliked it, I just had never read about it in depth. There's no ceremony to join; you just start, and stay with your own self discipline, which in my opinion is much more satisfying than just staying in a religion for fear of God/Hell/etc. Buddhism doesn't even have a god, and is more of a way to live one's life than a religion. You follow Buddha's teachings to pursue enlightenment and happiness. No threats, no forcing, no invisible man in the sky telling you what to think or how to live your life just because he said so. The closest thing they have to a god is the Dalai Lama, but he is a living, breathing person you can walk up to and physically touch and talk to. Buddhism even allows people to practice other religions alongside it. You can be a Christian, a Jew, or a Muslim, and still practice Buddhism with no conflicts.

I've always liked Buddhism from the first time I heard about it. My first impression of it was extremely striking. I was young enough then to only believe in heaven and hell because it was the easiest way to explain what happened after death to me. I was watching (I believe it was) Seven Years in Tibet for a history class, and one scene in particular I remember vividly. A foreigner had enlisted the help of some Buddhist monks in building something. Construction was taking forever, and when the foreigner finally asked what was taking so long, a monk showed him a worm. The monk told him they had to dig slowly, with their bare hands, so they wouldn't kill any worms or insects they came across. It's the only scene I remember from that movie.

I feel like some of the more simple teachings of Buddhism have always been in the back of my mind. I got myself out of a deep depression several years ago by simply stopping thinking about the negative aspects of my life, and refusing to let myself get angry or frustrated anymore. I only focused on getting through each moment, step by step, closer to something better. Any negative thoughts that nagged at me I simply let go into a journal. I told myself as soon as the thoughts were written into the journal, I would not linger on them any longer and move on.

I was shocked at how well this strategy worked, and still use it. I've gotten much better at simply letting go of negative emotions and thoughts - I no longer need a journal to empty them into. My view of life changed when I changed, for the positive.

This is in no way Buddhism in its purest form, but when I started browsing the internet to pick a research topic, I was astonished at how closely my standards of living and morals aligned with Buddhism. What impressed me even more was that Buddhism actually discourages following things blindly. A true Buddhist spends his or her life contemplating the real meaning of the Four Noble Truths, among other teachings. It is impossible to truly follow Buddha's teachings if one gives them no thought and just accepts them. Even more, my unwavering belief in science is in no way compromised with Buddhism, something I have always disliked about other major religions (specifically Christianity, as I've been more exposed to it). Buddhism gives me something that no other religion does: reasonable teachings that do not force me to make compromises or sacrifices in my life, and a religious figure that is palpable.

... Not trying to be preachy here! D: Buddhism just really intrigues me at the moment. I'll see how I feel 8 weeks from now when the research paper is due, and only then will I make my decision. I don't agree with most religions, but I do respect each and every one of them and would hate to just start calling myself a Buddhist on a whim. It would be a discredit to true Buddhists.

Buddhism looks pretty awesome the more I read about it. I might even consider converting if I'm not sick of it by the time I'm finished a research paper on it that's due 8 weeks from now.
Status: contemplativecontemplative
What message would you put into a fortune cookie?

Status: sleepysleepy
28 June 2010 @ 03:59 pm
Well it seems again that everything my gut sensed was true. Before I thought I was being self-centered and petty in thinking that my mother favored Chris more than me and pushed it away.

I was right.

My mother thinks I am useless and will never amount to anything.

And these are the ways my mother is batshit insane.Collapse )

Fuck you, mom. Fuck you.
Status: enragedenraged
Music: Alive 2007 - Daft Punk
22 June 2010 @ 03:05 am
Snagged from DeviantArt because I thought it was cute and clever.

B - BIRTHDAY: May 6 '92
C - CAREER OF CHOICE: Movie Director / Paleontologist / Science Journalist
F - FAVORITE SONG: Aerodynamic by Daft Punk
H - HOMETOWN: Baltimore, Maryland.
I - IN LOVE WITH: Beautiful people and sights and sounds and things. ♥
J - JUGGLE: Hell naw I'm not coordinated enough.
K - KILLED SOMEONE: Not since I last checked, no.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: 12 hour car ride of hell to Maine. We got lost.
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 3. Jaime is my adopted sister (thought she's really my sister in law). ♥
O - ONE WISH: I can someday overcome my reserved and shy nature and learn to truly express myself.
P - PERSON THAT CALLED YOU LAST: My mom about dinner.
Q - QUEER?: Weird and pansexual.
R - REASON TO SMILE: Being young at heart.
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Dynasty (feat. Haley) by Kaskade.
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: Too early. 7:30 but I went back to sleep until 12-ish.
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: Green and white striped.
V - VEGETABLE(S): Green beans.
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Usual dentist, knee, foot, ankle.
Y - YOYOS ARE: The work of the devil but not really.
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Taurus. Rawr.

Blank for ya'll to fill out because you know you want to ♥Collapse )

There's only one good thing to high school that I've found: you find out who your real friends are and you really begin to appreciate the world and its beauty compared to the hell hole that is high school. Can't wait for college and real life. I don't care what anyone says, just a simple job at a Starbucks or a bookstore would be awesome. You'd make money and have all the free time in the world because you won't have fucking homework.
Status: contentcontent